So for the last few mornings on my drive into town I have heard numerous people read their "letters" to their fathers in light of the upcoming Father's Day holiday. Each time as I sit there trying to maintain my composure I have felt the flood of tears come pouring down. I can't help but wonder when these overwhelming emotions will finally stop...
This should be a happy time right? After all I have an adorable new nephew, I have an amazing little girl about to turn 1, summer is finally about here, and this week Sunday will be my husband's first official Father's Day. So why can't I seem to enjoy any of it? Why is it lately I'm completely cranky, irritable (okay so those of you who know me are going this isn't new but I mean more irritable than normal!) and my emotions go off the deep end at the most tiny of comments! As each new day comes & goes I find myself wanting more & more to be able to just pick up the phone a call my father, to sit down next to him & have a heart-to-heart or to go for a drive with him & listen to our favorite country music blarring at us through the speakers...I guess I just don't feel like anyone else ever understood me the way he did...no one really took the time to get to know ME, my thoughts, my fears, my likes & dislikes...not really anyway...its hard...I don't feel like I can talk to my Mom (who used to be my best friend) because I'm afraid of upsetting her or burdening her...but yet because I can't talk to her, instead of just loosing one of my two best friends I've in a sense lost them both and it sucks! I can't imagine how someone in my shoes without faith & without a relationship with Christ could possibly cope - HE is the only one who gets me through each day, his comfort & support & the love of my family - without that I'd probably be truly lost.
So after all these "letters" I've heard read the past week - I decided to write my own. Here goes nothing...
Dad,
I want to start by thanking you. Without the amazing influence you & mom had on my life I would not be as spiritually sound as I am today. Your lives set a shining example for what I can only hope my own life will be. Growing up I never doubted for one single moment that you & Mom loved each other wholly & completely, with that everlasting kind of love. Not only did you express it daily, but your actions, words, and looks shouted it from the mountain tops. Nor did I ever doubt your love & devotion to our Lord & Savior. For this I am eternally grateful!
-- You taught me to be discerning, to know right from wrong, to not just absorb everything I heard but to strive to understand it & determine how Biblical it is/was. You taught me to study and ponder His word, to engulf my life in it. You taught me to realize that our God is an Almighty, Sovereign, and Just God who is to be honored and revered. You taught me approach the throne of the almighty with reverence and awe. You taught me that God is not only graceful & merciful but powerful & almighty, that he will punish those who forsake Him. I can't express enough how grateful I am to have been raised in such a home. I will always treasure & miss our theological discussions, and of course, having a handy "spiritual reference guide" on speed dial! I love that you taught us to be honest, to be kind, to be merciful, to be patient, to be loving and to be trustworthy.
The fact that you taught us that life won't always go our way, that we won't always get whatever we want, that sometimes in life you need to bite your tongue and turn the other cheek, these are all valuable life lessons that I no longer take for granted. I look around me & I see a culture & generation saying how life can be however you want it, its a "have it your way" kind of world - - I am grateful that I know life isn't that way. Sometimes things people say & do will hurt us, upset us, or we will take offense to it, but that is life & its up to us to decide how it affects us, how we will react to it. Thank you for teaching me discipline. I am grateful that you taught us to have strong work ethics, to realize that we ultimately deserve nothing in this life and that it is by the grace of God we have anything at all.
I want to thank you for your unconditional love. From countless broken bones to sick days to sporting events and school plays, piano concerts, talent competitions you were always there. Holding my hand and supporting me no matter what. I was truly blessed to have a Father like you -- you truly were the shining example for me of my heavenly Father & now I rest assured that you are with Him in glory.
To my amazing & wonderful Father, never will there be another man quite like you upon this earth - - All my love, now & forever!
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