I know that I shouldn't complain. And for the most part I don’t mean to. After all people have much much worse situations out there. I should be happy with the fact that 5 years into our marriage we still truly love each other & are happy together. That should be enough right? Yes & it is. Sometimes though, a girl just has to vent!
The fact is that most of the time I just go through our marriage and life not even thinking about these things because although I mentioned them in Part 1 to illustrate what I’m talking about, I typically do not dwell on them each day – if I did I’d probably go CRAZY! Plus, it’d be totally useless because dwelling on them doesn’t change them!
Each day I truly enjoy how we live our lives and am happy & content knowing I have it pretty stinking good. I think that it (any sacrificing on my part) is all worth it in the end because at least I know I'm doing what I can to make things peaceful, blissful, and loving between us and I know that I’m living in accordance with the way I am called to live...but that 5% of the time or so when I really stop & look at things (usually because something’s happened that hurts or upsets me – which is much more common with pregnancy hormones) it is rather hard to find a list of ways he actually "sacrifices" back for me...unless you're referring to times when he limits himself to oh say 3 or 4 beers instead of 6 or 8...
Sometimes I think its because of something like the "only child syndrome" where they tend (not saying this is always the case) to have a hard time living with anyone, thinking of anyone else, etc -- because they are simply not used to doing that with their siblings. My husband had life that way at home being he was the only boy -- he was pretty much left alone to live his life without having to pay any attention to the rest of the world or at least his family - never answering for anything he said or did because "he was a boy" amongst a family of girls where girls did most of the housework if not all of it.
When I met him, he was the MOST considerate person I had ever known. I had never talked to & spent time with someone who was so thoughtful and compassionate towards others as he was – honestly! And he still is that way today – just not always or at least typically not towards me. The funny thing is I noticed this about him as we got more & more serious – that he’d treat his family like an after-thought but everyone else as if their world would fall over without his help or attention. I used to remind him that just because he was busy thinking of everyone else & “saving the world” for everyone else didn’t mean he could neglect his family. Now that we’re his family – well yeah you can do that math :)! He often says “I know you love me & I love you & we’re married for life so you’ll always be here” – and I will because we do love each other & that’s the commitment we made to each other. I’m more & more convinced that this is the reason marriage is a LIFELONG commitment because in NO relationship will you ever LIKE the person EVERY single moment of every day for the rest of your lives! :) Just because you love them doesn’t always mean you love everything they say or do.
I should say that he is an AMAZING man – I am truly spoiled in terms of how he helps me around the house and with Alexa – he’s not typically too busy to spend time with Alexa and he certainly changes the majority of her diapers. :) He tends to do all the dishes by hand (because I use too much water) and he does almost all the yard work, bug killing, and garbage removal. He certainly does all the snow removal (I'm a wimp) and spends hours fixing anything that is broken around the house as well as maintaining all modes of transportation for us. He will cook (nothing gourmet unless you like the tator tot casserole hodge podge recipe he made up) and is the primary caretaker for the dog (mainly because I’m not an animal person nor did I want the pet in the first place!) He also works like a mad man & helps out anyone who asks. So all in all – yes he’s a wonderful husband & a GREAT father!
Its more in the lack of thoughtfulness & consideration towards his wife’s feelings & emotional needs that I get frustrated with me! I pay so much attention to his feelings & likes or dislikes that I have given things up and adjusted to living without things I’m used to, just to please him or help him. Yet it sometimes feels like he doesn’t even care about my preferences. I’ve even taken to the thinking that the old saying of “they won’t know how you feel until you tell them” is true, so I tell him EXACTLY how I’m feeling and what I prefer…and within minutes he’ll have done the opposite. And when I ask why?…”cuz i know you’ll get over it” is the answer I get! :)
Coming from 2 different family backgrounds doesn’t help the mix either. I grew up in a house without ANY doubt of the love that my parents shared. If you look back at scrap books & home videos, any stranger could easily see their love. As could any of my siblings & my friends if they happened to be over at our house. My sister Sarah & I constantly would say "EWWW" or "Stop that" or my personal favorite "Get a room" to which my father would respond "this is my room, along with the rest of the rooms in this house!" :) He would then proceed to show my mother MUCH love & PDA! My parents were always very affectionate with each other and always showed us kids that they not only loved each other but were IN LOVE with each other!
My husband did not grow up in such a house. His family is definitely not the "affectionate" type. They love each other, they just don’t show it publicly or in front of others in any group setting. More & more over the years I've seen more hugs & such but overall their affection showing measurement would be about an inch compared to my family's measurement of a mile or so. He definitely learned from that example. Its funny to see how small differences can end up leaving such big impacts! I'm definitely not saying either way is bad, its just one of those many tiny things that plays into forming a new home. So, is it so much to ask that he break free from the example he grew up with and meet me somewhere closer to the way I grew up with? After all – a woman (the kind that doesn’t have a personal space bubble at least) has some affection needs for every day life…and the hugs & kisses of her darling little 2 year old aren’t exactly the same as what she’s asking her husband for! Did the romance really die when the dating stopped? Although I think that may be the case, I certainly hope not…oh but a girl can dream can't she? :)
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