Consideration. Is it that hard of a concept for a man to grasp/follow/do? Seriously?!?
Since I married, scratch that, fell in love with my husband, (approximately around 3-6 months after we began dating) I have been sacrificing things for him. This is major part of marriage right? Or if you don’t agree with that – it is at least a good effort / courtesy to put forth in any relationship, whether with a friend, boyfriend, husband, parent, sibling, or even co-workers. There is &; always will be (in my opinion) some give &; take in every real relationship where you have to sacrifice or at least compromise on some of the smaller things in life in order to make the relationship truly mutually satisfying.
Let me give you examples of my consideration, or sacrifice or whatever you want to call, it for my husband – these are all things he prefers or asks of me that I do simply because I love him and they don’t matter enough to me to make me stand my ground or fight him on them (there are much better things/issues which call for me to do that). Here’s a small list:
* Heat – in the winter our house is an IGLOO unless someone comes over (partly why I LOVE to host parties/etc) Our thermostat reads 64-66 at best during the winter months & at night its typically reading between 58 & 63 depending what time you look at itI could go ON & ON & ON with examples like this but this post is too long as is – and people who know us truly know I’m not exaggerating in the smallest bit. I do all these things, not because I am afraid to upset him but because I love him & I figure if it makes him happy its worth it to me. However, can he do the same? Not really!
* Water – I am not allowed to use my fully functioning dishwasher except on rare occasions & I am not even ALLOWED to do the dishes by hand because I use too much hot water – don’t believe me? Ask my mom or my sister or almost anyone who knows him & they’ll verify
* Makeup – this one started way back when we were dating -- “why do you bother putting it on & spending money on it – its way too expensive & then you just have to buy more things to remove it with – don’t wear it – its a waste of money!” was what I was told & I obliged
* Haircuts – Instead of maintaining my then current hairstyle with highlights & trim & such at a decent price every 3 months or so – he asked me to grow my hair out instead (said he preferred it that way) – turns out he prefers to have me cut it maybe once a year if even that often! – And forget about highlights or coloring – no way – too much money!
* Accessories – I can’t remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes or a purse without preapproval (meaning justifying that I hadn’t had one in months let alone years & certainly not being able to pay for a normal bag – most of the shoes/purses/etc I’ve been “able” to purchase since I met/married my husband cost under $20 & if they’re not under $10 it ‘was considered a splurge (or a present)
* Jewelry – I recall shopping with a friend & bringing home a pair of cute earrings and paying 1/2 price for them & still never hearing the end of it!
This week we’re bringing a meal to some friends that just had a baby & I wanted to make lasagna but he prefers tator tot casserole so that’s what he wanted to make – I said okay but on the part that he leaves at home for us to eat this week please put at least part of it with JUST green beans (no corn & peas mixed all together) because I CAN NOT STAND them all on tator tot casserole. Especially since I am 20+ weeks pregnant and still often nauseous. But I come home to find that he not only didn’t honor my request but told me I’m being silly & to just “scrape” the rest out! Seriously? I know its a small thing but seriously can he not do this one small thing for me? Is there NO consideration left in this world?
After all, when he wanted to quit vet school I without hesitation told him “do whatever will make you happy & we’ll figure the rest out” – so he immediately quit, decided we would sell our trailer that we had just started living in, and I would quit my job immediately & we’d move back to NW Iowa & live with his parents. I said okay, as long as it makes you happy. When I wanted to quit my job & stay home with our then child & soon to be children what was his answer? “But then we’d have to watch what we spend!” So what? So we have to budget…is that really not worth it for my happiness & his children’s upbringing? Oh me oh my will life always be this way?
Sorry for the vent session – some days being a loving, considerate wife is much harder than it looks! ;)
I've struggled with the same thoughts before and I'm sure Carmen has many reasons to say the same about me. As you said, sacrifice is a major part of marriage, but I'm beginning to learn that if you expect the same sacrifice in return, you'll always be miserable because your sinful nature leads you to believe you're always getting the short end of the stick. If you stop looking for particular sacrifices in return and ultimately sacrifice of yourself without expecting anything at all in return, I think you'll be surprised that the "considerations" will start coming back your way, and perhaps you'll notice that many are actually already there.
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