Consideration…does it really exist out there?

Let me preface this post by saying that I TRULY do LOVE my husband. Obviously or #1 - I wouldn’t be married to him &; #2 - I wouldn't do any of the things that will be mentioned below.

Consideration. Is it that hard of a concept for a man to grasp/follow/do? Seriously?!?

Since I married, scratch that, fell in love with my husband, (approximately around 3-6 months after we began dating) I have been sacrificing things for him. This is major part of marriage right? Or if you don’t agree with that – it is at least a good effort / courtesy to put forth in any relationship, whether with a friend, boyfriend, husband, parent, sibling, or even co-workers. There is &; always will be (in my opinion) some give &; take in every real relationship where you have to sacrifice or at least compromise on some of the smaller things in life in order to make the relationship truly mutually satisfying.

Let me give you examples of my consideration, or sacrifice or whatever you want to call, it for my husband – these are all things he prefers or asks of me that I do simply because I love him and they don’t matter enough to me to make me stand my ground or fight him on them (there are much better things/issues which call for me to do that). Here’s a small list:

* Heat – in the winter our house is an IGLOO unless someone comes over (partly why I LOVE to host parties/etc) Our thermostat reads 64-66 at best during the winter months & at night its typically reading between 58 & 63 depending what time you look at it
* Water – I am not allowed to use my fully functioning dishwasher except on rare occasions & I am not even ALLOWED to do the dishes by hand because I use too much hot water – don’t believe me? Ask my mom or my sister or almost anyone who knows him & they’ll verify
* Makeup – this one started way back when we were dating -- “why do you bother putting it on & spending money on it – its way too expensive & then you just have to buy more things to remove it with – don’t wear it – its a waste of money!” was what I was told & I obliged
* Haircuts – Instead of maintaining my then current hairstyle with highlights & trim & such at a decent price every 3 months or so – he asked me to grow my hair out instead (said he preferred it that way) – turns out he prefers to have me cut it maybe once a year if even that often! – And forget about highlights or coloring – no way – too much money!
* Accessories – I can’t remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes or a purse without preapproval (meaning justifying that I hadn’t had one in months let alone years & certainly not being able to pay for a normal bag – most of the shoes/purses/etc I’ve been “able” to purchase since I met/married my husband cost under $20 & if they’re not under $10 it ‘was considered a splurge (or a present)
* Jewelry – I recall shopping with a friend & bringing home a pair of cute earrings and paying 1/2 price for them & still never hearing the end of it!

I could go ON & ON & ON with examples like this but this post is too long as is – and people who know us truly know I’m not exaggerating in the smallest bit. I do all these things, not because I am afraid to upset him but because I love him & I figure if it makes him happy its worth it to me. However, can he do the same? Not really!

This week we’re bringing a meal to some friends that just had a baby & I wanted to make lasagna but he prefers tator tot casserole so that’s what he wanted to make – I said okay but on the part that he leaves at home for us to eat this week please put at least part of it with JUST green beans (no corn & peas mixed all together) because I CAN NOT STAND them all on tator tot casserole. Especially since I am 20+ weeks pregnant and still often nauseous. But I come home to find that he not only didn’t honor my request but told me I’m being silly & to just “scrape” the rest out! Seriously? I know its a small thing but seriously can he not do this one small thing for me? Is there NO consideration left in this world?

After all, when he wanted to quit vet school I without hesitation told him “do whatever will make you happy & we’ll figure the rest out” – so he immediately quit, decided we would sell our trailer that we had just started living in, and I would quit my job immediately & we’d move back to NW Iowa & live with his parents. I said okay, as long as it makes you happy. When I wanted to quit my job & stay home with our then child & soon to be children what was his answer? “But then we’d have to watch what we spend!” So what? So we have to budget…is that really not worth it for my happiness & his children’s upbringing? Oh me oh my will life always be this way?
Sorry for the vent session – some days being a loving, considerate wife is much harder than it looks! ;)

Happy Birthday Alexa!

Here’s a little photo recap of Alexa’s 2nd Birthday! We just had both our families (those that could make it) over for some cake & ice cream. Thankfully it was a beautiful day so we could enjoy some time outside too!

 

Alexa’s 2nd Birthday cake & posing with Daddy – all ready for church

Luke loved playing with the bat & ball! :)

  

 

 

 

 

 

Cousins Faith & Mackinzie sure loved playing on the swing set!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cousin Sophia came to celebrate too! She’s only 5 days old!

   Time for cake & presents! :)

Alexa’s not a spoiled little girl is she? ;)

 

5 year Anniversary!

So Thursday was our 5 year anniversary. :)

When we were planning our wedding & honeymoon we decided we’d do something reasonably priced for our honeymoon now & then after 5 years we’d go where I wanted, which was some place warm & with a beach & for our 10 year we’d go where Micah wanted, probably Vegas.

Well a group of our friends planned a weekend trip to Vegas the Memorial Day just before our 1 year anniversary which we went along on, so we’d already done that one & therefore I started looking at options for a Mexico Vacation for this year. I find pretty awesome rates back in October & we booked our trip for the end of February beginning of March. We ended up convincing another couple to go with us & it was a great trip & I loved every minute of it!

Since we went “all out” for our anniversary present this year I expected our actual anniversary to be very low key. I’m the type that typically wants to be shown I was “remembered” or thought of by Micah so I like it when he actually gets me SOMETHING (doesn’t have to be big or fancy or expensive) and he’s the type that thinks getting anything is a waste of money & effort because he already gets whatever he wants when he wants it.

That in mind, I was expecting nothing at all & when I asked him what he wanted to do on our anniversary he said “lets just go out to eat.” I thought that sounded pretty good to me so I agreed. I went home for lunch yesterday since Alexa was at the house with Alicia anyway & when I got there – my Mom had brought us a balloon & Micah’s favorite pie! Then Micah came home with fresh flowers that were beautiful! I was blown away! :)

After work Micah’s Mom & sister Jena stopped by with a basket of fresh strawberries (YUM), a card & home made bars! YUMMY! We were totally spoiled! Then Micah even had Alexa go do chores with his family so we could eat out by ourselves & we went to my choice, the Chinese buffet! :) It was a great & wonderful day!

I am truly blessed to have a wonderful husband & family!

Mornings…

So we have some friends of ours (who also happen to be our daycare provider) staying with us as their apartment was left rather wet from the storm Tuesday night.

Alexa is LOVING it! Wednesday Alicia (our daycare provider) & Eli (her 1 yr old son) came to our house to play for the day as a 1 yr old & almost 2 yr old wouldn’t be the best helpers to clean & move things around on the wet floors.

Alexa was thrilled! When I got home from work all afternoon I heard: “Eli played here Momma, he played with me here!” :) So when they took us up on our offer to stay overnight, Alexa was beyond excited. She woke up Thursday morning & could not stop asking for them. “I see Alicia, I see Eli?” It was pretty cute.

I explained to her that she would again be staying home today & Alicia & Eli would be playing with her at the house. Then when I was getting ready to leave for work & she gave me my daily hug goodbye, she tells me “Momma, you stay home too!” Oh how I wish I could! :) Only 2 more months & I will, I promise!

This morning she woke up & came & sat by me on the couch. As I was getting ready to leave she tells me “Momma call Lori (my supervisor), you not go!” Basically she occasionally hears me tell Daddy “I should just call Lori & stay home today, I’m tired” or “I’m to exhausted to go to work, I should call Lori.” Apparently she’d been listening better than I thought! :)

Leaving her each morning is getting harder & harder! Some mornings she’s great & will be sitting, reading Eli a book & then she’ll just look up at me & wave & say “Bye Momma” but there have been many mornings lately that she has pulled an “I don’t want you to leave” attitude. This typically means when I tell her I’m leaving & give her a hug & kiss goodbye, she’ll constantly repeat to me “Momma Up Please” over & over – regardless of the fact that half the time she’s in my arms while she says this! The worst is when she does the really hard crying, not just crocodile tears but full all out bawling!:( - - That breaks my heart! Oh how I’m looking forward to the end of August! :)

Father’s Day…

This used to be one of my favorite times of year. I loved planning & shopping & finding the perfect gift/card/gesture to give to my Dad. After all, I honestly had one of the best Dad’s ever and I knew no matter what I gave him, he’d love it! He was the kind of Dad you didn’t feel the need to hide things from, but could be open & honest with. I knew he would always be there for me.

From walking me down the aisle,

 

To baptizing my first born child,

 

My Dad has always been there for all the “BEST” times of my life. He has always been my rock, my shield and protector, my best friend and favorite person to just hang out with. I truly owe him so much more than I ever could have told him.

I always seem to struggle to describe him, partly because he was SO important to me & such a HUGE part of my life, and partly because no mere words seem to do him justice. Yes he had flaws as we all do, but he was such an amazing man beyond that. It was the way he lived his life, the attitude in which he approached each day, and the charismatic personality which flowed from him that made him so loved. His grand-kids adored him. His children confided in him & always enjoyed spending time with him. Although he was the most reverent and powerful preacher I have ever known and heard, he was also the most fun-loving, easy-going Dad & friend anyone could ever spend time with.

From our shared love for chocolate (to the point we’d both hide chocolate bars throughout our homes & share those hiding places with each other, when we’d come to visit) to the hours of fun we could have golfing, talking, or just relaxing…he was truly the Greatest Dad I could have ever asked for.

So I just wanted to take a minute and say THANK YOU to my amazing Father. Although he is truly missed, the impact he left on our lives will never be forgotten.

Life Decisions

For a long time now Micah & I have been discussing our options for the future and trying to decide what would be best for our family. We have always both agreed that the best decision for our family would be to have one of us at home with our kids (preferably me) but there’s always been that issue of income vs. expenses.

Well, we finally crunched the numbers and determined that for the very little extra I’d bring in with 2 kids in daycare, we’d be best off having me stay home if we had a 2nd child. We made that decision back last year already.

We knew this was our plan back before we started trying to have another. We weren’t concrete on it, but we were at least 95% certain that unless I could stay with Interstates part time somewhere/somehow, it would be best for me to stay home full-time.

Since the day that we found out that we were expecting we have been discussing when this transition would happen. Micah, of course, wanted me to wait as long as possible before even bringing it up with my boss. His preference was definitely that I go part-time instead of quit completely, but he also knew it wasn’t very likely. He repeatedly told me that he knew I’d be quitting & was okay with it!

So about a month ago, I was meeting with my boss for our regular meeting. The conversation went from one thing to another & somehow ended up on potential plans for this fall & after the baby. So although earlier than I had thought I would, I approached the subject of part-time, knowing it wasn’t a very likely possibility (as I’m not exactly bored each day!) Within a week after that meeting, the answer came back that indeed it would not be possible. So the plan was worked out. The official notice was given, and my last day with Interstates will be sometime at the end of August/beginning of Sept! CRAZY! I have been here for 3 1/2 years (not much to some I know) but that’s a long time for me! It still seems a little crazy/unreal most days but I am getting more & more excited at the thought of being home full-time.

The only problem, would be my husband’s reaction! Keep in mind that he has known about this “idea” for over a year! Keep in mind that the entire time he has been saying “its best for you to stay home” and “you’ll be quitting this fall!” Now, instead of being loving & supportive he’s gone off the deep end! The best comparison I can make is to the Gilmore Girls episode where Suki tells Jackson she’s pregnant with their first. He who has wanted 5 kids in 5 years goes NUTZ! Crunching numbers, mumbling things, taking everything to the extreme… he completely loses it! Only difference between him & Micah – he seems to snap out of it in the end of the episode & comes around to be supportive. Micah – well I’m not sure he’ll ever stop talking about the need to cut corners here & there, pinch pennies on things Alexa/I/the baby want or need, and cut out every non-necessity he doesn’t care about.

Note those last words – not once has he mentioned selling his somewhat pricey motorcycle. Not once has he mentioned giving up buying tools or motorcycle parts or internet toys/etc. Instead what does he want to go? The ONCE a year expense I’m allowed of a hair cut, or the occasional meal out I go on with friends. He hasn’t said he’ll stop going to pizza ranch buffet over noon & wasting $8…no he’s said “just because you’re home you won’t have any money for gas so don’t think you can go to your mom’s & friends’ houses all the time!” Unreal!

But alas, this is the way he operates! I’m sure it will all be fine, we’ll make it each month as long as we’re not frivolous or dumb with our finances & overall it  will be a great & awesome experience. We just need to show him that! :)

Thoughts & perspectives

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about people who feel the need to judge others. I’m the kind of person who is rather opinionated on many topics and subjects but yet feels that to each their own is the way to live. What I believe and what works for me is not going to be the way everyone thinks/feels/believes and that’s okay with me. I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers & I’m sure I won’t get life “perfect” but at least I know I’m trying my best – my best to live life according to the instructions the Lord has given us so that every moment of our lives we can give praise & glory to Him.

Lets take the topic of alcohol for example. I know several people who have made it perfectly clear that no alcohol is allowed in their home & that it is purely evil to have it. They happen to believe/think that if they allow it in their home or in the presence of their children then they are being horrible parents by setting an example that the only way to have fun is when alcohol is involved. I don’t agree with that. I happen to think its going to the extreme. Although I agree with what they’re trying to teach, I happen to think that if they choose to live that way its fine if it works for them, but I don’t think it works for my family and/or every family.

If we would do that, I believe that it might actually be harmful to my children. In my opinion, I would be sheltering them to the point that they will view alcohol not simply as another beverage choice when thirsty but instead as this forbidden fruit that is ‘super’ fun. Its my fear (& I have actually seen this happen in several people I’ve known to grow up in homes like that) that the children shown that “example” will actually grow up craving it, wanting it, and when the finally “break free” and have it, they will know nothing about moderation, responsibility and self-control. Instead once they have that first taste they’ll often be unable or un-inclined to stop. So it will lead to drunkenness (which is clearly spoken against in the Bible) and other sinfulness.

I happen to think that when a child is raised in a home where alcohol is permitted but only according to the laws/rules/regulations & only in moderation, you set a better example for your child by showing that it is not some “forbidden fruit” but rather a mere choice in beverage, an option that allows you to unwind or relax with something refreshing. I would like to hear those who believe that having it around children is setting a horrible example tell me what they think or feel about Jesus turning water into wine and the Bible talking about drinking it. I happen to think having a glass of wine with dinner or a beverage after work or with snacks while relaxing at home not only does not set a bad example but instead sets a good example of how to know, have, and set limitations, moderation, and self-control.

I can think of one person for example who was not allowed to watch movies other than very good G ones; was not allowed to eat sweets; and never had any alcohol in their home. What happened when the individual left home? That person became what you could call a sugar addict who can NEVER turn down a sweet & certainly can’t stop at only having one; and who, when having one drink, has no ability to stop & limit themself and instead has way too many and watches all sorts of movies and is completely oblivious to any impact they may have on their mind/life because they were never taught to watch movies with a discerning mind/perspective.

I’m not saying one way is right and another is wrong. I certainly don’t have all the answers & this a debate I’m sure I wouldn’t win with many people. But what I am saying is that while I think there are positives AND negatives to both sides, I do not feel you can make the judgment that one parent is ruining their child by living one way, while another is raising the perfect child. Each child is an individual and is going to react differently to each environment. I truly think you can’t say that there is one way that works for everyone. You do the best you can & in the end, when the children become adults, they ultimately will make their own decisions regardless.

I also don’t think if you choose either way you’ll come up with the same results as others who chose that way. I believe the biggest difference comes in the approach and the explanation. Yes there is something to be said for teaching children that you do not need alcohol for fun, that too much sugar is bad (funny how those same people saying no to alcohol & sweets arent’ saying no to pop) and that movies can be dangerous to watch. But I think there are other ways to teach those principles then to need to abstain completely & outlaw it.

Just the ramblings of my mind – take them for what their worth (next to nothing)! Just remember that just because you view life one way, doesn’t mean everyone does & that’s okay – as long as you don’t go and insult other people’s opinions/way of life without at least hearing them out first.